My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
