Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
