I wish I could teleport
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
