I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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