Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
