How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
