I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
