Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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