i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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