i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
