so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
