I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
