he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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