it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
