He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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