Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
