just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize