question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
