does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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