i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
