My room smells like vodka and shame
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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