my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
