Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize