it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
