Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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