I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
