He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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