what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
