I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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