Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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