peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will be naked everywhere
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
