ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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