he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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