Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
