apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
