:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
