dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
