I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
