38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
