A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
