Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
