Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
