What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
