Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
