I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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