I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
