I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
