we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So squirting runs in the family.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
