I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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