Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
