So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
