he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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