It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
