You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
