boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
