you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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