i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im holly from the hills drunk
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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