sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize