i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize