My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
