i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
