well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
