I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
