and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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