I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
