The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
