god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
