My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
