Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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