Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
