I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you had me at cake vodka
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
