I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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