She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
