summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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