apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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