i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
