i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
