ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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