She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
