so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
