No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize