Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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