im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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