you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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