need another drink. this is the easiest way
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
